Eighteen years old today, and I still feel like this little girl.
Too Much Late Night Thinking...
I decided that I think far too much. I need to fill my time with other things. But all my musing has led to a lot of "self-discovery" and some beautiful revelations about who my Saviour is and what He wants from me. I've wrote more songs since I've been here than I did all of last year, although it's been stretching me having to write without my piano or guitar.
I wanted to share some of the lyrics I scribbled down in my journal a few nights ago. It really shows where I'm at right now- with all the distraction and newness surrounding me, I want to be filled by the only One who can satisfy:
Awake me from my sleep and I will run
Raise me up out of the deep and I will run
Give my soul the life it seeks
You are the only source to breathe
Awake me from this sleep and I will run
I will run to you- my soul is thirsty
For the life only you can bring.
If I seek it on my own
I will run forever on.
I will run to you, fill my soul.
Call me out of my own dreams and I will run.
Let me be your hands and feet and I will run.
Speak life into these bones,
Search my heart, it's not my own.
Awake me from this sleep and I will run.
Its very simple and rough....but I thought I'd share.
I had this vision in my head of me dropping everything behind me- my pride, my insecurities, my identity (all of which have been stumbling blocks)- dropping them, as if they were literal, physical things, and running to Jesus.
I told you so.
These past two weeks have been the "I told you so" of my entire high school career. I've gotten to test what I learned, but aside from that, I've realized how important it is to be grounded in what you believe BEFORE you get to college. And that makes me so grateful for the education I received before I got here.
Through my entire high school career I knew that when I get to college my professors will (most-likely) fiercely disagree with what I believe. I was taught that the "dead, white males" who made so many advancements in history will be frowned upon and every story will be twisted to make women seem oppressed and smarter than the average man. They warned me that the Bible will be put in the same category as The Epic of Gilgamesh, or Homer's Oddessy. Truth will be relative, you will be crazy, and the professors will be geniuses with degrees and letters behind their name. All this was drilled into my head, but learning it for myself is a different experience completely.
In my World Literature class, we read The Epic of Gilgamesh (which I've already read), The Oddessy and the Iliad (which I've already read), Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (which I've already read), Dante's Divine Comedy, The Canterbury Tales, Augustine's Confessions (all of which I've....)....you get the picture. Despite my familiarity with the texts, I was thrown off by my professor's interpretation of them. We just finished a discussion on Genesis and Job, and she made it very clear that we were to read it "as literature". Objectively. Read it like you would read about Zeus or the creation account in Gilgamesh, she said. However, I just can't do that. Having "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth..." conveniently placed next to "when the gods created Gilgamesh", and "When in splendor you first took your throne high in the precinct of heaven, O living God, life truly began" (from Akhenaten's hymn to the sun), really seems to reduce the Bible's creation account to yet another myth.
In my Study of Literature class we are reading Virginia Wolff's Mrs. Dalloway. Virginia Wolff is known for two things: feminism and drowning herself. The main character of the book, Clarissa Dalloway, questions her identity, sexuality and purpose. The other main character, Septimus Smith, is insane and eventually commits suicide. It's written in "stream of consciousness", meaning it basically jumps all over the place, following the thoughts of the deranged characters with no real structure or plot.
What have I gotten myself into?
Despite the newness, the hostility, and the confusion, I love it. I've discovered that I thrive in an environment of opposition. It pushes me to search for why I believe what I believe (or just look back on my notes from Theology class...), and so far my faith is soaring rather than sinking. My heart breaks for these people who think they know the truth (or the lack thereof), and I pray that somehow God will use me to be a light in this dark place.
So go ahead and say it. You really did tell me so. But the only thing I can say is thank you. Without what I learned before I came here, I'm sure I would be falling in every literary trap set for me. I know I'm no expert, and I'm sure I've many more challenges to face, but being sure that the Bible is what it claims to be and God is in control of it all makes everything else fall in to place.
Through my entire high school career I knew that when I get to college my professors will (most-likely) fiercely disagree with what I believe. I was taught that the "dead, white males" who made so many advancements in history will be frowned upon and every story will be twisted to make women seem oppressed and smarter than the average man. They warned me that the Bible will be put in the same category as The Epic of Gilgamesh, or Homer's Oddessy. Truth will be relative, you will be crazy, and the professors will be geniuses with degrees and letters behind their name. All this was drilled into my head, but learning it for myself is a different experience completely.
In my World Literature class, we read The Epic of Gilgamesh (which I've already read), The Oddessy and the Iliad (which I've already read), Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (which I've already read), Dante's Divine Comedy, The Canterbury Tales, Augustine's Confessions (all of which I've....)....you get the picture. Despite my familiarity with the texts, I was thrown off by my professor's interpretation of them. We just finished a discussion on Genesis and Job, and she made it very clear that we were to read it "as literature". Objectively. Read it like you would read about Zeus or the creation account in Gilgamesh, she said. However, I just can't do that. Having "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth..." conveniently placed next to "when the gods created Gilgamesh", and "When in splendor you first took your throne high in the precinct of heaven, O living God, life truly began" (from Akhenaten's hymn to the sun), really seems to reduce the Bible's creation account to yet another myth.
In my Study of Literature class we are reading Virginia Wolff's Mrs. Dalloway. Virginia Wolff is known for two things: feminism and drowning herself. The main character of the book, Clarissa Dalloway, questions her identity, sexuality and purpose. The other main character, Septimus Smith, is insane and eventually commits suicide. It's written in "stream of consciousness", meaning it basically jumps all over the place, following the thoughts of the deranged characters with no real structure or plot.
What have I gotten myself into?
Despite the newness, the hostility, and the confusion, I love it. I've discovered that I thrive in an environment of opposition. It pushes me to search for why I believe what I believe (or just look back on my notes from Theology class...), and so far my faith is soaring rather than sinking. My heart breaks for these people who think they know the truth (or the lack thereof), and I pray that somehow God will use me to be a light in this dark place.
So go ahead and say it. You really did tell me so. But the only thing I can say is thank you. Without what I learned before I came here, I'm sure I would be falling in every literary trap set for me. I know I'm no expert, and I'm sure I've many more challenges to face, but being sure that the Bible is what it claims to be and God is in control of it all makes everything else fall in to place.
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